If you've opened this, you probably already know you need to talk to someone. You might have known for a while. And yet here you are, still not quite having done it.
That's not weakness. And it's not unusual. Most people who end up in counselling describe some version of this, a period of knowing they should do something and not quite getting there. The gap between knowing and doing is one of the most common things I hear about in a first session.
So why does it happen? And more usefully, what actually gets people over the line?
The most common reasons people put it off
It might not be that bad. Comparison is a big one. You look at what other people are dealing with and decide your problems don't quite qualify. This is almost always wrong. Counselling doesn't have entry criteria based on how dramatic your situation looks from the outside. If something is affecting how you feel day to day, that's enough.
It might get better on its own. Sometimes things do. But if you've been telling yourself that for six months or a year, you've probably already answered this question. The things that resolve on their own tend to resolve on their own fairly quickly. The things that don't tend to stay.
I don't know what I'd even say. This one comes up a lot. People imagine they need a clear account of what's wrong before they can walk into a session. You don't. "I'm not sure where to start" is a perfectly reasonable opening. We find a way in from there.
It feels like admitting defeat. Particularly for men, but not only for men, asking for help can feel like acknowledging you've failed to manage something you should be managing. It isn't. It's more like deciding to actually fix something rather than just living around it.
What if it doesn't help? This is worth sitting with honestly. Counselling doesn't work for everyone, and I'd rather be straight about that than pretend it's a guaranteed fix. But the free initial consultation exists specifically so you can find out whether it's likely to be useful before you commit to anything.
What actually gets people over the line
In my experience, it's rarely one thing. It tends to be accumulation. Something has been building for a while, and then something specific, a conversation, a sleepless night, reading something that landed, sometimes something quite small, tips the balance enough to make the call.
Sometimes it's someone else who says something. A partner, a friend, a GP. Sometimes it's just that you've got to the point where managing it alone is taking more effort than the alternative.
Whatever gets you there is the right thing. There's no wrong reason to book a first appointment.
The lowest-pressure version of starting
If the idea of committing to counselling feels like too much, the free 20-minute conversation I offer is designed for exactly this. It's not therapy. It's not a commitment. It's just a phone call or video chat where you can get a sense of whether this might be useful, ask whatever you want to ask, and decide from there with no pressure either way.
A lot of people find that making that one small step, just having the conversation, is the thing that shifts the inertia. You don't have to have it figured out before you pick up the phone. That's kind of the whole point of going.
I'm based in Anfield, Liverpool and also offer online sessions across the UK. You can get in touch at davidlewiscounselling.com or text 07470 528 499. No forms, no waiting lists, usually available within a week or two.
Questions people ask about this
Why do I keep putting off getting help for my mental health?
Common reasons include not feeling bad enough to qualify, hoping things will improve on their own, not knowing what to say, or it feeling like admitting defeat. All of these are understandable and all of them are worth questioning.
What if I don't know what to say to a counsellor?
That's fine. Most people don't have a prepared opening statement. Saying "I'm not sure where to start" is a perfectly reasonable thing to say, and a good counsellor will work with that rather than waiting for you to have it figured out.
Is it too late to get help?
No. People come to counselling at all stages of whatever they're dealing with. Earlier tends to be better in the sense that things are usually easier to work with before they've become completely entrenched, but later is still better than never.
How do I take the first step towards counselling?
The lowest-pressure version is a free initial consultation, which most counsellors offer. It's just a conversation to see whether it might be useful. No commitment, no pressure to continue. That's the first step.